On Emotional Spending
I saw the cutest damn shoes on a friend of mine. They were a pair of Nike AirMax in this bright neon color-way.
She was wearing them with some dark wash skinny jeans, a simple black tee, messy bun and these absurdly cute dangly earrings. The whole look was freaking adorable and had this super casual “I just threw something on” vibe.
I wanted that vibe. I NEEDED IT.
So, online I went to find these shoes. Um.. they’re $120+ depending on which color-way you want and where you get them.
One hundred twenty dollars… OR MORE.
Did I have $120? Yes, I did. Could I have spent it in that moment? Sure.
Did I? Nope. Even though I wanted them SO BAD at that moment, I didn’t get them.
It wasn’t the price or sheer willpower. I have borderline personality disorder and ADHD, two brain-based differences in my brain that make delayed gratification extremely difficult, even to the point of causing physical discomfort and depression.
But, I have a system. It’s a series of questions I ask myself that isn’t necessarily a cure-all, but it works roughly 95% of the time, so I’ll call it effective.
Are all of my physical needs currently met?
The first thing I ask myself is this: Am I hungry, angry or tired? If so, I first take care of those needs before moving forward with my purchase. Another thing to consider is whether or not you are physically comfortable. Are you hot? Freezing cold? Are you in pain? Any of these can contribute to make a less than completely rational spending decision. For me, I realized I hadn’t had breakfast yet. So, I grabbed some food. Did I still want the shoes? Yep! Ok then, on to the next question…
Are my emotional needs currently met?
The second thing I move on to are the emotional needs. This is where I ask myself: am I lonely or sad? If so, I stop and address those emotions before hitting Add to Cart. It’s also important to ask yourself if you’re currently experiencing ANY intense emotion. Even intense happiness can cause you to make an irrational purchase of something you don’t really need because you’re trying to continue that intense happiness as long as possible. Basically, if you’re feeling an intense emotion around the purchase, it’s best to put the credit card back in your wallet and step away from the situation for a moment. I realized that I was feeling intense joy and anticipation around getting these shoes. So, on to the next question...
Exactly what am I trying to accomplish with this purchase?
Now, let’s be clear: not all ‘emotional’ spending is bad. As long as you are mindful of the fact that you are making a decision that is being influenced by your emotions. For these shoes, it wasn’t necessarily the shoes I wanted. I was chasing the sort of carefree but put together look and feeling of my friend’s outfit. Once I recognized the need I was really trying to fill, I was able to ask myself the next question.
Do I currently own something that can fill this need?
So what’s an emotional human to do? I ask myself: do I currently own anything that can fill this need? Yep, I do. I have two pairs of Superga sneakers that also lend themselves to being worn with jeans and a plain tee to pull off this sort of casual but I-have-my-life-together vibe. I also have a pair of rose gold sequined sneakers that look super cute with a similar outfit.
Now the big question: did going through this process suddenly remove my desire for these shoes? Absolutely not! I still want them. But, now instead of whipping out my credit card, I can make a plan to buy them.
Making My Plan
Telling myself that I’ll purchase the shoes ‘when I have the cash on hand for them’ is a road with no end in sight.
On the other hand, the instant gratification of immediately purchasing them often leads to feelings of shame around being impulsive and irresponsible with my money.
I have a specific weekly budget for my variable spending. This covers everything from food and gas to groceries and dining out. So, I plan to focus on slightly cheaper meal options this month and cut down on prepared meals and eating outside of the house. Doing this, I can save $25/week.
In less than 45 days, I’ll have the cash on hand to get the shoes I want. And, it’s entirely possible that by then, I won’t even want them anymore and can use the cash for something else entirely.
I find that the reason delayed gratification around purchases like this is so hard is because in my brain things are either happening right now or never.
Going through this process and creating a plan doesn’t just help me stick to my budget, but makes me feel more empowered and in control of my mental wellbeing and my finances.
Your Friend in Money & Mindfulness,
Sam